Sunday, June 28, 2009

CELEBEGEDDON 2009

I just wanted to finish this comic i've been reading, i guess technically its a manga called Gantz, I foud the anime somewhere and dug it so now i figure out its still being published: pretty sweet, so i'm trying to catch up. I have a cut on my finger so it causes a light amount of pain whenever i strike a key with my middle finger, but sometimes i just want to respond with words to the stimuli i receive and this place works for that.

So obviously i'm not paying to read the comic there are myriad free manga sites, but no such thing exists for the english counterpart. Although most of the good comics(I just can't say graphic novels without feeling like a douchebag) at least recent ones and the classics are available in torrents (isohunt is the shit for ebooks and comics). Of course the cost of getting something free is usually that you have to deal with some advertisement, which is cool if thats what you choose to do, but if you're getting advertised to and you're not getting something for free? You're a mark.

The advertisement is for a cosmetic pharmaceutical for women(i suppose it would work for men as well, but that is obviously not a large enough demographic to market to, nothing this: their marketing director may be looking for a new job after advertising women's beauty consumption on a manga site) this product "lengthens, thickens, and blackens"; now before you draw the conclusion that i'm being paid to guerrilla market on my blog(no ads on any of my sites), I feel like this is an interesting time to talk about this type of consumption and marketing. Especially because judging by the sales numbers of magazines like maxim, vogue, etc there are a lot of easy marks out there willing to pay you money to hand them a packet of advertisements. Shit these people are paying more than a meal for a single person, more than a pack of cigarettes, more than 3 gallons of gas, more than... you get the picture.

We are waiting for the nickname for this week lets see if I can without any actual physical effort (besides happening to read every headline thrown my way) list the paragons of humanity who have been sent up to dog who art: farrah fawcett, micheal jackson, billy mays and ed mcmahon(I had to go to google to remember ed mcmahon, YOU ARE CORRECT SUH![i definetly saw more phil hartman than ed mcmahon in my life]. So despite the fact that when you die: all your victims become unmolested; United Statesians are ' superficial to the
fuckin Nth degree! For fucks sake there are people crying??? Michael Jackson was a civil rights hero?!?!?!?!?! WTF!!!!!! So in order to profit from the deaths of others I think we have to come up with the perfect catchphrase for this week and patent it quickly. If we get it in time before the news cycle ends all we need is one single headline and it has to be witty and/or funny, then bam every publication in the country will be using it and we start the court proceedings against 'em. We can come up with a reason why its not naked self-interest for the media, first of all anyone who wants to contribute and work together in making this you have to know that you have to be extremely attractive and bisexual, this way we can use you as the face for the media and you can sleep with the attorney to pay for all of our suing. I think i got a pretty suitable solution to why we are so intent on creating a catchphrase and getting money for it, its not the money or that we'll not have to wait in line for anything anymore. To create a catchprase is actually completely and totally altruistic because it may become an institution and pretty soon celebrities will start getting culled on an annual basis every last week of june, this would create a much better world for everyone, possibly causing many useless people (who only keep breathing in order to live vicariously through a celebrity) to start thinking orrrrrr...maybe do themselves in...arguably a win-win. So these are a few we've been kickin' around the office:
Celebicide(although we decided this one could be too easily associated with suicide)
Celebegeddon(I think this is the winner so far, so I'll throw it in the title)
Celebrity Deathmatch(we may have problems trademarking that one)
Celebritydeathapalooza
The Celeb Slayer(This is one where we have to get a media headline alleging that all the deaths were murders, and they were all...done...by........THE SAME PERSON!(were u n suspense?)
The Great Celebrity Die Off
Quadcelebritydeathweek
"Fame more dangerous than cancer"(this is where we get a headline saying a ridiculous statistic that is actually quite spurious[you've seen 'em they're in every paper or magazine you ever read])

thats all i got


Our world is very strange, our modern world, because there is no real truth.

There is no philosopher-king to determine whether it is right or wrong to spend the wealth we have on compulsive vanity or over anxious insecurity. There is no oracle to consult on whether or not it is right to use our resources to build bigger and more efficient tools for murder instead of using our resources to prevent death and suffering. There is no priest to answer whether using the great minds of our generation to create anti-male balding, penis enlargement, "erectile dysfunction", or lash thickening pills rather than work towards something that brings humanity closer to fulfilling its potential.

We know that all those recipients of inquiry are just more assholes, just like the people you walk past on the street every day, friends, family, everyone you've ever seen, nobody knows any more than anybody else about the REAL questions, the eternal questions, nobody even knows the answers to the ethical and moral questions!!!! "Idiocracy" is humanity's future if it proceeds along the same trajectory it is currently on.

Humans: There is nobody to turn to but yourselves.

In order to survive humans need to learn to read again. I do not know the truth that will be your truth in regards to climate change, overpopulation, kim jong il's death rattle missile launch, Iranian british relations souring, or even something as simple as good and evil. Only you yourself can figure that out, and thusly only every single other human on the planet has to learn reality themselves. Reality to the self is objective, but that objectivity transmogrifies in to a subjective, preachy and evangelistic..............OPINION, there I said it. Nobody on earth knows a fucking thing, but everyones got an opinion. Now if there is an actual objective reality that exists apart from objects perceiving it or in a vacuum (whatever helps wrap the head around what i'm sayin) that means that there is an actual objective truth(if this is true that truth is god in my opinion). This means that most likely one or more out of the many many people's OPINIONS that exist out there are actual statements of objective fact.

The challenging part is that we cannot check this objective fact, reality does not fit into our mathematics, not yet. Maybe one day we will have such fast computers and such vast amounts of storage that someone can create a program to predict human action based on algorithms obtained from the observation and study of the effect of every stimuli possible. These effects may be replicated and sequenced, observed, tested, and pretty soon human action becomes an equation, but until then there is no way to check our math the earth(the reality we have so far managed to bring under human dominion) is too damn complicated.

So far in this hypothesis we have a world that we assume objective truth exists in. Next you take a large number of people who after research have a theory about...lets say...molemen invading from the center of the earth. There are scientists, and professors and all kinds of other assholes writing about the evidence of the molemen and their zealous belief in manifest destiny over the surface.

Now if these individuals are correct, we(being the omnipotent creator of this hypothetical world know they are correct, and that molemen ARE going to invade, and in fact we know they'll invade in 3 and half years, they're just building the last of their drills.) can take a look at two different groups which I will arbitrarily fiat.

The first group being the humans on the hypothetical world I first mentioned, but with the qualifier: all the people in group one researched the possibility of moleman invasion.

The second group being the humans on the hypothetical world I created, but with the qualifier: NOT all the people in group two researched the possibility of moleman invasion.


Here is the question I pose to you: Which of those groups/worlds are more likely to see the survival of humanity, which of those groups is more likely to see the enslavement of humanity?


Although this is a futile scream in to the emptiness, I do feel that in my OPINION every single living human should take an active interest in seeking the truth about reality, about themselves, and about their fellow humans. The prescription that humanity really needs is the one that causes Reading, Thinking, and Talking. Or maybe what we need is a week every year where celebrities are open game, and maybe one day there will be no airbrushed exhibitionist to live vicariously through.

But what we need and what we get aren't always the same.
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